Words: Nathan Myers

We found her online, lifting things with her vagina – much as her Instagram hashtag #ThingsILiftWithMyVagina suggests. In Italy, she was lifting pasta and vino. In Los Angeles, it was Oscar Awards and dumb-bells. In Bali, it was nasi bungkus and coconuts. With her vagina. Not that we were searching for that. We just, you know, sorta kinda, stumbled upon it.

Well, as it turns out, Kim Anami is maybe the sanest person we’ve ever met. She encourages women to be more in touch with their lady parts, shoots ping pong balls and practices wild, lustful cock-worship. We couldn’t agree more. Meet our new Vaginal Kung Fu sensai:

So, lifting things with your vagina… what’s going on there? Are you clutching a ball inside or something?

I use a jade egg. It’s an ancient Taoist device and technique for strengthening the vagina. It’s drilled so a string (or chain) can be threaded through. Tie something onto the end of the string and voila. Now you, too, can lift household objects and small pets.

Is this actually practical, or just an awesome party trick?

In addition to it being a clever way to win at beer pong, it’s very practical. With your other “arm” you can carry in the groceries when you don’t have anyone to help you. Not only that, with a strong vagina, women have more orgasms, better orgasms and can ejaculate across the room. Those crazy porn scenes you see? Every woman can do that if she has a toned vagina.

It’s also a great way to keep a man in line. I know of a woman in Thailand who sent three men to the hospital because she didn’t know her own strength. Or maybe she did.

Since you’re so outspoken about it all, do people try to get you to do this stuff at parties? Like, shooting ping pong balls around?

A major US network TV show asked me if I’d do a ping pong shooting demo. I couldn’t believe it. They said they’d put me behind a screen, and the shooting would be in silhouette. The times, they have a changed.

What got you started with vaginal weightlifting?

I began studying Taoist sexual practices 20 years ago and learned about it then. I tried it but didn’t get seriously into it until 15 years ago.

Is there a most memorable lift?

My vagina won an Oscar. For Best Supporting Vagina. We were photographed on Hollywood Boulevard, on the Walk of Fame.

Should men be trying to lift things with their penises?

Yes. Vaginas.

Having a strong cock gives the man better control, more stamina, and both the man and the woman more powerful and pleasurable orgasms.

What are some other aspects of Vaginal Kung Fu you teach?

“Kung Fu” is the mastery of something. I teach not only physical strengthening exercises for the pelvic floor but overall vaginal and sexual mastery. I believe that all women can experience full-body orgasms, G-Spot, and cervical orgasms, be a gushing lubricant and ejaculate and have ragingly high libidos. It all comes down to sexual self-awareness. And a formidable vagina. That’s what I teach.

Wow, you say Vagina a lot.

Someone has to. Actually, it took me a long time to get comfortable with that word. I much prefer “pussy,” but some magazines just won’t print that, believe it or not.

You say a woman’s pussy should be able to move furniture. I absolutely agree, but I have no idea what that means.

I’m starting a vaginal weightlifter moving company, so let me know if you have a small move coming up.

Those Thai vaginas that shoot ping pong balls, open beer bottles, and smoke cigarettes? That ought to be the baseline for every vagina. Modern women suffer from a lot of pelvic floor issues, especially after childbirth. Somehow this is considered “normal.” It’s not.

“Normal” is a strong vagina that can pick up small household objects and bring a man to climax or prevent him from ejaculating with conscious flexing. Like any other muscle, it atrophies with lack of use. Most people don’t use theirs well. Women are told to “Do your Kegels!” But Kegels are useless. Like any other muscle, you need resistance and feedback to build strength.

Tell us more about “The Well-Fucked Woman, ” and how we can get involved.

The well-f**ked woman is a meme about the idea that when a woman is well-f**ked, she radiates a magnetic glow. She’s happy, relaxed and beautiful.

When a woman is underfucked — and 99% of women are — she’s grumpy, irritable, depressed and full of road rage.

It’s a noticeable, tangible thing. You probably have friends — male and female — who you can identify that would really benefit from being well-fucked. Think about it.

Men can help by fucking their women more and better. I often say it isn’t that behind every good man there is a woman. Au contraire: behind every good woman is a man, on his knees, ferociously thrusting and giving her everything he’s got.

How does surfing come factor into all of this?

I’m always looking for practices to alter my state of consciousness. Naturally.

I meditate, I eat well, I exercise. Surfing has always been one of those things that brought me into The Zone and made me feel more like who I really am. What’s that expression? “There’s nothing that a good day of surfing won’t cure.”

There’s nothing that a great night of fucking won’t cure, either. After an awesome, cataclysmic sex session, I feel reborn. It’s that idea of “la petite mort” or “the little death.”

So how is surfing like le petite mort, the little death?

Both are about getting into the flow. The best surf sessions are where you are fully out of your head and tuned into the wave and dancing with the ocean. You can do no wrong.  The most memorable sex is the same. You get into “The Zone” where you don’t think any more about what you are doing. You feel into it, feel into your partner and have this wordless conversation with your bodies.

They are both about transcendence. When you get into those spaces, you feel at one with the universe. And at home within yourself.

In the course of your workshops and VIP intensives, you bring people to orgasm?

They do that themselves. I give them ideas and techniques and then send them away to do their “homeplay.”

From your experience, what is most men’s biggest sexual deficiency – and the best thing they can do to overcome it?

Men need to build stamina. They have to focus on it and make it a priority. I have free videos on my website that give techniques for this.

Most women need prolonged intercourse to achieve the deeper vaginal orgasms—G-Spot and cervical. A man needs to be able to hold it together while bringing her there.

Does that mean thinking about baseball and my mother, cause I hate that. Everyone does.

In a word: breathe. Most people—especially guy people—hold the breath as they approach orgasm. That’s the worst thing you can do—you’ll ejaculate in seconds. Instead, relax your body and breathe. You’ll get to that orgasmic edge and then back off it. You can play in that zone for hours.

Same question for women?

Women need to learn how to let go, surrender and truly, madly, deeply love cock.

You should run for president. Is that your goal, would you say?

My goal is for all women to know that shooting ping pong balls with their vaginas is not just a special skill reserved for some Thai vaginas. Every woman can do it.

I want to open up the global conversation about sex. My Instagram campaign #thingsiliftwithmyvagina has brought awareness to the fact that having a strong vagina benefits everyone. When the global conversation opens up, there will be better dinner parties. This is good for me. I suck at small talk. I just make everyone talk about sex.

You are invited to all our dinner parties. Feel free to re-arrange the furniture or dominate the beer pong table.

More sex talk at www.kimanami.com

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